If she had anything to do with it, anyway. A day ago the future had looked aching and desolate, and now it looked full of surprises and terror and bad things happening to people…. Granny looked out at the dull grey sky and the dying leaves and felt, amazingly enough, her sap rising. ‘I couldn’t subtract a fart from a plate of beans.’ (Ma) ‘Oh, you know me, Esme’ said Nanny cheerfully. Now she drew a circle around the final figure. ‘You never have been very good at numbers, have you?’ said Granny. It invariably showed that she was going to enjoy a refreshing drink which she almost certainly was not going to pay for. Nanny Ogg could see the future in the froth on a beermug. Instead, people would take pains to tell her that beauty was only skin-deep, as if a man ever fell for an attractive pair of kidneys. No one had asked her, before she was born, whether she’d want a lovely personality or whether she’d prefer, say, a miserable personality but a body that could take size 9 in dresses. She had to nibble it into manageable bits. It was certainly impossible for her to get a whole idea into her head in one go. And Christine was just like a small fluffy animal. Not liking Christine would be like not liking small fluffy animals. This meant she was approximately two womanhoods from anywhere else. (Ma)Īgnes was, Nanny considered, quite good-looking in an expansive kind of way she was a fine figure of typical Lancre womanhood. It wasn't the medicine that did the trick though. She'd long ago been resigned to the fact that people expected a bottle of something funny-coloured and sticky. You just pointed your voice at the end of the verse and went for it. Lancre's only other singer of note was Nanny Ogg, whose attitude to songs was purely ballistic. The people of Lancre thought that marriage was a very serious step that ought to be done properly, so they practiced quite a lot. (Ma)īonnie Quarney had been gathering nuts in May with William Simple, and it was only because she'd thought ahead and taken a little advice from Nanny that she wouldn't be bearing fruit in February. The first frost of the season, a petal nipping, fruit-withering little scorcher that showed you why they called Nature a mother. Sometimes she went to bed as early as 6 a.m. It took some time for outlying regions to come to rest. (Ma)Īnd he dreamed the dream of all those who publish books, which was to have so much gold in your pockets that you would have to employ two people just to hold your trousers up. There was no point freezing your nadgers off on top of some mountain while communing with the Infinite unless you could rely on a lot of impressionable young women to come along occasionally and say ‘Gosh’. People who didn’t need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn’t need people. Some elements of the Discworld universe may reflect this.Nanny Ogg found herself embarrassed even to think about this, and this was unusual because embarrassment normally came as naturally to Nanny as altruism comes to a cat. The first book in the Discworld series – The Colour of Magic – was published in 1983. Maskerade is the fifth book in the Witches series, but you can listen to the Discworld novels in any order. Only now they’re caught up in a murder mystery featuring masks and maniacal laughter. Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg have travelled to Ankh-Morpork to convince Agnes that life as a witch is much better than one on the stage. And there are two witches who would much rather she return home to join their coven. The only problem is, she doesn’t quite look the part. But now a set of mysterious backstage murders may just stop the show.Īgnes Nitt has left her rural home of Lancre in the hopes of launching a successful singing career in the big city. The Opera House in Ankh-Morpork is home to music, theatrics and a harmless masked Ghost who lurks behind the scenes. The one that only comes out in darkness….’ Masks conceal one face, but they reveal another. Featuring a new theme tune composed by James Hannigan. BAFTA and Golden Globe award-winning actor Bill Nighy ( Love Actually Pirates of the Caribbean Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows) reads the footnotes, and Peter Serafinowicz ( Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace Shaun of the Dead) stars as the voice of Death. The audiobook of Maskerade is narrated by Indira Varma ( Game of Thrones Luther This Way Up).
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